“Saul said to David, “Here is my older daughter Merab. I will give her to you in marriage; only serve me bravely and fight the battles of the LORD.” For Saul said to himself, “I will not raise a hand against him. Let the Philistines do that!” But David said to Saul, “Who am I, and what is my family or my father’s clan in Israel, that I should become the king’s son-in-law?” So when the time came for Merab, Saul’s daughter, to be given to David, she was given in marriage to Adriel of Meholah.” (1Sam 18:17-19NIV)
What did King Saul have in mind, when he told David that he was going to give him his daughter, Merab, in marriage? His death! It was not his happiness or his own daughter’s happiness that he sought. Rather, he just wanted to keep David close enough to him, so that he may have his opportunity to destroy him. And you may have heard the saying, “Keep your friends close but your enemies closer.” That was the evil principle that Saul was employing against David at the time.
Now did David know what Saul was up to? No! How, then, did he escape his trap? He escaped simply because he would not lie to himself about the situation at hand. The young man would simply not think of himself more highly than he ought to. How?
Well, David knew that becoming the king’s son-in-law was not a small thing. Where would he get the dowry that would be set for him? Where would he get the money to entertain all the important dignitaries that would grace their wedding, seeing that it was a princess’ wedding? What about the place the princess would stay after their wedding? Did he have the resources to put up a befitting place for her?
As we see in the bible, this young man did not start out in life as a wealthy person. Instead, he started out as a poor shepherd boy. Yes, at the time in question, God had elevated him and built him up to be a mighty and well-respected warrior in the land of Israel. That, however, did not change the fact that his family was not wealthy, influential and politically powerful enough to marry from the king’s family.
To accept that offer, then, was to place a heavy burden on himself and on his family members, a burden which they not be able to carry without experiencing disgrace or which may throw them into years of debt. So, he respectfully rejected it and moved on with his life.
Now did heavens fall down because of this? No! On the contrary, sometimes later, he was presented with another opportunity to marry another princess from Saul’s family. And this time around, he accepted the offer and married the girl involved. Why? First, the bride price had been set even before Saul’s men began to talk to him about it. Second, the bride price set was something that he and his men could handle; it was something that placed no immediate or future burden on his family members. Third, the young lady involved was truly in love with him and was ready to marry him, even though he was not a rich man at the time. So, marrying her was like a piece of cake for him. (Cf. 1Sam 18:20-29)
What is the point of all this? Well, it is that you should never lie to yourself about what you can really handle in life and what you cannot handle. See, all kinds of opportunities will surely come our way in this life. But it is not each of them that we can handle or that is meant for us. And what will keep us from going for opportunities that are beyond us or that are not meant for us at all is a possession of a true estimation of who we are and what we can truly handle in life.
If it is clear to us, then, that an opportunity is beyond what we can handle, it will only be wise of us to let it pass, as David did in Merab’s case. Yes, we may like that opportunity. It may even be a once in a lifetime opportunity. Nevertheless, inasmuch as it beyond what we or those in our lives can happily handle, we should not drive ourselves or anyone else into poverty, debt or disgrace because of it.
Why? There will be other suitable opportunities for us to live out God’s dreams for us in life. And all we need is to be building up ourselves to be ready for them. But if we have already ruined our lives or dragged everyone in our lives into disgrace because we want to utilize at all cost certain opportunities that are not meant for us, when those ones meant for us eventually come, we may not be alive or in the right frame of mind to utilize them.
So, calm down, my friend, and don’t lie to yourself. Not every opportunity is meant for you.
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