Title: When they are overreaching| Fire in my bones

Date: November 15, 2023|Series: Youth for Jesus|Number: Vol. 6, No. 26

“Two years later, when Absalom's sheepshearers were at Baal Hazor near the border of Ephraim, he invited all the king's sons to come there. Absalom went to the king and said, "Your servant has had shearers come. Will the king and his officials please join me?" "No, my son," the king replied. "All of us should not go; we would only be a burden to you." Although Absalom urged him, he still refused to go, but gave him his blessing.” (2Sam 13:23-25NIV)

It is a natural thing for those who love us or who hold us very highly in their hearts to always look for opportunities to do things that will make us happy. And it will only be proper for us at such times to cheerfully and willingly accept the tokens of their love for us, regardless of how little they may seem. That is because it will show that we accept them as they are and are not ashamed of associating with them, though they may not be as wealthy, educated, influential or spiritual as we are.

However, there are times that such people may actually be overreaching in their attempt to make us happy or satisfy us. And it will only be wise and kind of us to prevent them from making us an unnecessary burden to them. Otherwise, in trying to make us happy, they may end up putting themselves in some avoidable problems. Are we, then, going to be happy to learn that the reason someone who loves and adores us is in a big financial, marital or social mess is that he wanted to please us? We will not at all, if we have any iota of human feeling.

A friend of mine was once very angry with me because of something along this line. What happened? Well, there was this particular bible that she had told me that she would love to have. So, I wanted to surprise her with it on her birthday. But I didn’t have enough money at the time to do so because of some commitments I had. So, I talked to a friend of mine to lend me part of the money for like a week or so. Unfortunately, somehow, she overheard us. And it got her very upset. She was like, “I understand that you are trying to make me happy here. But you did not have to do that. You did not have to borrow to make me happy.” Now, of course, we later resolved the matter. 

But I learnt my lesson, which is that those who truly care about you will not want to receive things from you, just because doing so will make them happy; they will also be concerned about what making them happy will cost you. Will it cost you your happiness? Will it cost you your job? Will it cost you your marriage? Or is it your reputation or life savings that it will cost you? They will be concerned about this and will do whatever they can to stop you from embarrassing yourself because of them. That, of course, is the main message of our opening bible text. 

Absalom was throwing a party for his sheepshearers and requested that his father, King David, and all his officials would be present there. But his father told him that he and his officials would not be attending the party. Why? Was it because he did not love Absalom or appreciate his generous invitation? No! He loved him and also appreciated his invitation. In fact, we are told in the account that he gave him his blessing.Why, then, did he insist that he and his men would not be coming? It was because he knew that their presence at the party would be a great burden for the young man. We are talking about taking care of the king and his high officials along with their servants and guards. 

The money and the logistics involved could be financially paralysing for him. And David did not want him to go bankrupt because of them. So, he simply gave him his blessing and told him not to worry about him and his officials.We too must be like that. We must be sensitive to people’s true conditions and not allow them to paralyse themselves because they want to please us or make us happy. Otherwise, once the harm is done, nothing we do may be sufficient in healing those involved.Then I want you to also keep in mind the fact that it is not every time that people give us the impression that they want to do something in our honour or to make us happy that they really want to make us happy.

 As we see in Absalom’s case, he really did not want David and his men to attend his party. That was because he already had plans of using the party as a cover-up for assassinating his elder brother, Amnon. And the presence of the king and his officials would not have made that possible. So, asking the king and his officials to grace his party was all pretence, something simply done to massage their ego. He already knew that they would not agree to come.

So, don’t ever assume that everyone that is giving you the impression that he will sacrifice himself to make you happy is actually willing to do so. They may just be flattering you and expecting you to stop them. But if you foolishly rest on their words, you will only have yourself to blame when those words break or shatter under you, leaving you injured and disgraced.Finally, it is important that we too are not overreaching in our attempts to make anyone in our lives happy. 

Otherwise, we may end up putting unnecessary and paralysing burdens on ourselves because of them. And are we going to be able to freely talk about the harm we have done to ourselves then? Not verry likely!So, know those things that are beyond your ability to give to people or do for them. And know the people that you have no true intention or ability to entertain and never insist that they visit you or be a part of something you are doing, just because you want to show them how much you respect them or because you want to use them to enhance your prestige. You may end up embarrassing yourself and feeling terrible for the rest of your life, if your best ends up not satisfying them or making them happy. Be wise.